Again
by Normandie M
Summary: Severus' graduation night. Angst and lots of musing about Lily and him on Sev's part. R/R!


  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy and the Marauders belong to JK Rowling. 'Again' lyrics and music belongs to Lenny Kravitz.  
  
A/N: Okies....it's been a while since I've written anything. I've been overseas and lack of reviews for 'Tears of Pearls' has stopped me writing for a while. If you're reading this, can you please read 'Tears of Pearls' and give a few comments so I know where to go with the story? I'd like to finish it, not leave it in limbo. This is another songfic, this time to the Lenny Kravitz song 'Again'. It's graduation night for Snape, and he wants to see Lily before leaving. It's my take on the 'Severus loves Lily but Lily loves James' saga. (BTW, this story sounds better if you listen to the song while reading it. Just a little tip. :-) ) I'm thinking about writing a serious piece about Lockhart post CoS, so send me some feedback and I'll see what happens.  
  
Again  
  
I've been searching for you  
I heard a cry within my soul  
I never had a yearning quite like this before  
Now that you are walking right through my door  
  
The time was now, 17 year old Severus Snape thought. Seven years at Hogwarts had almost ended, tonight was the final night. From his position at the Slytherin table, next to his comrade Lucius Malfoy, he could see the other seventh years, some looking apprehensive, others happy as they listened to Dumbledore speak about joining the wizarding world as adults. He didn't know how to feel. Lucius had promised him a job, but he wouldn't say what it was, just that it was just up his alley. As his black eyes scanned the tables, they fell on the Gryffindor table and he felt a pang of pain, jealousy, anger and love all in one.  
  
All of my life  
Where have you been  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
And if that day comes  
I know we could win  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
  
At the head of the table, sat James Potter. Quidditch Captain (and Chaser), Head Boy, smart arse, egotistical pretty boy. He represented everything Severus wasn't and hated. On his left side sat Sirius Black, the handsome rebel. And a would-be murderer. Bastard, Severus thought, as Sirius laughed loudly at his own joke. Next to Black was Remus Lupin, quietely chuckling at the joke Black told. What on Earth could HE do now?, he wondered. A werewolf in a society that despised all wand waving half bloods, like his type and vampires. Next to Lupin sat Peter Pettigrew. Pettigrew was the only one of them Severus could really stand. As annoying and pathetic as he was, he was often overlooked by the others, like Severus was by some of the more popular Slytherins. Pettigrew's chubby face turned and smiled at Severus and Lucius. Lucius gave him a small wave, smirking and Severus followed suit. Lucius had also promised Pettigrew a job after graduation, due to the fact that their families were old wizarding families. Then finally, to Potter's right was Lily Evans. Sweet, beautiful, smart, talented Lily. Head Girl and one of the few Gryffindors who could withstand him.  
  
A Sacred Gift of Heaven,  
For better, worse, wherever  
And I will never let somebody break you down  
Until you cried  
Never  
  
They'd been friends ever since she'd shyly slipped into his compartment on the Hogwarts Express, saying the others were full. They even stayed friends after she was sorted into Gryffindor and he into Slytherin. She didn't care about what house he was in, and for once, neither did he. The only class they had together for the first two years of Hogwarts was Potions, but Lily always chose to sit next to him. His father being a skilled apothecary, Severus was most apt at mixing ingredients. Lily often sought his help, and he assisted her willingly. By third year, they were studying together in Arithmancy and Study of Ancient Runes too. And by that year, Severus had began to notice Lily more. The way that her red hair shone on a sunny day on the way down to the dungeons, how her green eyes sparkled in delight after scoring some points for Gryffindor, or when she was walking down corridors, it was almost as if she glided. Unfortunately, James Potter, a fellow Gryffindor noticed too and beat Severus to her. By fourth year, they were dating. She stayed friends with Severus, and he held his tongue on what he thought of Potter. He wasn't about to do anything to hurt her feelings.  
  
All of my life  
Where have you been  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
And if that day comes  
I know we could win  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
  
By fifth year, James and Lily were the most popular couple in the school, only matched by Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Mendes, the Slytherin equivalent. Severus smiled at Narcissa, who was sitting next to Lucius. Lucius had plans to marry her in a few years.  
"You really should find yourself a girlfriend, Severus." he had remarked once.  
Severus sighed at that comment. It wasn't not that most Slytherin girls *weren't* attractive, but they were taken. And Severus couldn't dismiss his feelings for Lily. Then again, he'd ruined his chances.  
  
At every time I've always known  
That you where there, upon your throne  
A lonely queen without her king  
I longed for you, my love forever  
  
It was the sixth year when Lily and James had a huge fight. Lily confided to Severus that she thought James was spending too much time with his friends and practicing his chasing skills in Quidditch. As a result they were 'taking a break', in her words. Severus knew this was the time to take a chance.  
"Lily, could I talk to you later? Alone?"  
"Sure, Sev. On the lawn?"  
"Yes, thankyou."  
But during those two hours before the meeting, he got a bad case of cold feet.  
"So Sev, what'd you want to talk about?"  
".....Oh, it's nothing, Lily."  
"No, it isn't Sev. C'mon, tell me!"  
"Well......I need some help on the Charms assignment."  
Severus kicked himself everyday afterwards when he saw James Potter and Lily together, holding hands, stealing a kiss near the broom shed, laughing. They'd made up soon after Severus' chickening out, and were going stronger than ever. Once again, he had to settle for second place as the best friend.  
  
All of my life  
Where have you been  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
And if that day comes  
I know we could win  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again  
  
When everyone threw their hats in the air, Severus came back into reality with a shove from Lucius.  
"Severus, hello?"  
"What? Yes, Lucius?"  
"It's over, my friend. We're certified wizards!"  
Lucius smiled, showing even, white teeth. Severus smiled too, but he had to see her, and it made him anxious.  
"Where are you going, Sev?"  
"I'll be back in a second!"  
Severus fought his way through the crowds, shaking hands, smiling, celebrating. Then he saw Lily leaving the hall on James' arm. He broke into a run, finally managing to stop just short of them.  
"Lily!"  
She turned around and smiled.  
"Sev!"   
She looked at James, who was glaring daggers, and released her arm from his. He waited at a respectable distance as the the two friends talked.  
"So here we are. "  
"Yes. You know what, Sev?"  
"What?"  
"I'm scared. We're not protected anymore, y'know."  
"You're going to be fine, Lily. You have someone watching over you."  
"Yes." she replied, looking to James.  
A hot flush of anger flickered through Severus' mind. He meant himself. He didn't know how he'd watch over her, but there would be a way.  
"Severus!"  
It was Lucius. He was beckoning Severus to the carriages that would take them away from the school once and for all. Severus looked at Lily, wondering what to do. After much thought, he extended his hand.  
"Goodbye Lily."  
Lily laughed and seized him in a hug, kissing his cheek.  
"God, Sev. Don't be so formal! You're acting like we'll never see each other again!" she smiled. "I'll send a few hundred owls these holidays. Okay?"  
Severus was both speechless and breathless at the same time. "....sure, Lily."  
She turned to James and waved at Severus as James put his arm around her and lead her away.  
Severus opened his mouth to say something but Lucius' hand on his arm stopped him.  
"C'mon Severus, you can find better than Gryffindor scum like her. She'll break your heart."  
Severus watched as she left. "I think she already has." he murmured  
Lucius smiled. "I'll introduce you to some girls on the holidays, I promise. You can do better than Lily Evans, my friend."   
Severus nodded faintly as he and Lucius walked down the front steps to the carriages. Lily's carriage had already left. Lucius spent most of the short journey to the train, gabbling about his holiday plans, while Severus listened. As the Hogwarts express began to move off and Lucius was rocked off into a deep sleep, Severus blinked back hot tears in his eyes and wondered what might have been.  
  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again....  
I wonder if I'll ever see you again....  
  
Well, that's it. A bit sad, I know, but we all know that Snape will be redeemed. Right? 


End file.
